I broke my blogging record.
Blew it out of the water, really.
It’s now been well over a year since I posted anything here. I write things in my head all the time, but they
never make it here. Too busy. Too tired.
Too convinced that no one would be interested anyway.
But big things are happening. Such big things. Writing helps me process how
I’m feeling, so I hope this will be therapeutic. I also want to remember this always. How it came together, how people came
alongside us, how God showed up in expected and unexpected ways. There have already been many times that I
have shaken my head in wonder at how marvelously things have been
provided. And there have already been
times that my heart has been on the ground as I consider the mountains in our
way. I want to remember it all. So if
anyone cares to read along, I am going to blog about our adoption journey here.
I wish I could
promise that all my posts are going to be spiritual and encouraging, but full
disclosure here: they may often be the rantings of a crazy woman because this
is already overwhelming, intimidating, and expensive, and we aren’t even done
with our home study yet. There are lots
of precious and lovely adoption blogs out there. This is not likely to be one of them.
But the story that I want to share tonight is encouraging. It’s exactly the kind of small thing that I
want to remember because it is these small things that give me hope that
mountains might just move.
I got an email earlier this week that we had an installment
due this coming Monday of $1400 per child for our winter hosting fees. Our fundraising
account has a balance of about $3200 and I was worried. Our raffle ticket sales have been fantastic
(THANK YOU to everyone who has purchased or helped sell!) but $1000 in a week seemed
a pretty ambitious goal. We hadn’t told
anyone about the payment due. I hate talking about our
financial need. I hate it so much that I
may complain about it in every post. It’s
a pride issue that I’m sure God will continue to work on throughout this
process. But this time we had not
shared our situation. I was worrying and
praying and planning to put the rest on a credit card if we had to.
Today has felt very heavy.
The looming payment was a huge part of it, but also the thousands other
details that have to be attended to. The
kids and I had to get physicals today as part of our home study…another
unexpected out-of-pocket expense and half day away from all the other things
that I need to be doing and already can’t keep up with. As I was sifting through the massive pile of
paperwork from our home study agency to find the physical forms, doubts were
creeping into my mind: What are we
doing? We can’t afford this. I don’t have time to do it all. My life is already more than I can
manage. Have we really been called to
adopt, or did we just let our emotions get the better of us? Will the mountains really move?
When Dan got the mail this evening, there was a check for
$750.00 from an area church. This is not
a church that we have ever attended, but we have friends who do, and their leadership
gave us a generous donation from their benevolence fund, unsolicited and in
perfect timing.
I just cried.
The hosting fee installment will be covered and then some with the tickets
that I expect to be returned to us this weekend. That is an enormous
relief. But even more encouraging is the reassurance that God is right here with us, moving the mountains
stone by stone.
